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We ain’t found…insert your own Space-Balls-Ginormous-Afro-Pick comment here

Published by 4EverLSU May 6th, 2008 in Uncategorized, Headlines, Opinion/Analysis, Off Topic and BCS. insert your own Space-Balls-Ginormous-Afro-Pick comment here*">2 Comments

Yeah…we ain’t been around for a while. Not much to disclose:

LSU won the Nat’l Championship, and the world, including 1/3 of the population of the moon, wanted a do-over, stating not enough teams were given a chance. Those pinkos on Venus voted for the Gynosuvius University’s Vegetarian Female Sumo Wrestling squad…the pussies.
NCAA football has continued to prove its NBA-like thuggafication of its own players.
LSU Women’s basketball chokes worst than Stoops could hope for…I’m bettin’ he started a blog called “http://i’ll.take.second.worst.com” in honor of the ~~Disappointing~~ Fightin’ Lady Tigers. Five years. Five FRIGGIN’ years…and knee capped in the first round. Does this shit not get old? I mean seriously…
LSU Men’s basketball is in limbo for likely the next 3 years…which won’t matter, fans still won’t attend.
~~LSU Baseball is doing it’s best to prove that no one, and I mean no one, can pwn mediocrity like they do. You just try to be more average. Putz.~~
LSU Athletic Department is doing their best to break in a new admin with the astounding qualifications that he went through a sports team rape scandal, his football team couldn’t find an endzone with GPS equipment, and his fans are happy to see him go. This isn’t starting out on the wrong foot, bub, this getting hyped-up glitter all over your shiny suit from tripping over your own feet………………….all the while trying to convince “establishment” that you have the corner marketed on making money. ‘Cause that’s what I wanna’ cheer for…………….Geaux Fightin’ Sell-outs! Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, does it? I’m not convinced you were the best choice.
BCS concluded talks resulting in the final result that……………….they’ve concluded talks. Bravo guys. Way to take a stand on the tough issues. Nothing like grabbing your sack and telling the world in a John Wayne voice that “You’re possibly open to a different format………………but it likely won’t happen ’til 2014.” That’s some scary cowboy shit there…you mean business in a pirate sorta’ way. Pass-the-foie-gras-buttpirate sorta’ way. Way to waffle guys, pass the maple syrup.

It’s quiet, Jim…too quiet. *sigh* And likely to be this way for awhile. I’ll see what I can do to keep bovine defecation spouting your way so you don’t get bored with us.

-4EverLSU

Frebber’s Take on the SEC, 2008 version

Published by 4EverLSU February 6th, 2008 in Opinion/Analysis and SEC. 2 Comments

Florida’s a young team, and will shine in ‘08, I expect them to give Georgia a run for their money, definitely given Teh Dawg’s antics in their last game together. A top ranked recruiting class will help that - along with Meyer’s shady recruiting tactics. Georgia will be the team to beat in the East, and will ride the coat tails of their “Why not us?” attitude, and Richt’s even-keel, conservative, ‘poke-the-tiger-when-needed’ methods. I expect to see him a tad bit less conservative in ‘08. Spurrier will make improvements, but I’m not yet convinced he has a handle on his team’s thuggeryishness. Tennessee pride will keep them going, and spark them to be a force to be reckoned with…but not much of a threat to the other East big dogs. Fulmer will likely hang his head in shame…and for a better chance to get that last Hoho he’s been eying all game long. Damn Hostess for not selling those things with a tasty cheese dipping sauce. He’ll be gone in 3-5 years, closer to 1-2, especially if he tanks this year or the next. Kentucky will prove they were a one shot wonder, and bemoan the fact they didn’t hold their wad longer for a greater money shot. Vandy is freakin’ Vandy. ‘Nuff said.

Nutt will prove without a shadow of a doubt that not only is he a joke, but his new school is a joke’s joke. Long will be the triumph of MSU over Ole Miss for a half a decade to come. Yet, they’ll still continue to play LSU close, like they ALWAYS freakin’ do…must be some sort of gris gris associated with all the freakin’ flannel and argyle seen in the grove creating some sort of sun spot laden gravitational football anomaly. What the fuck do I know, I’m no scientist. Croom will prove he’s the Sith-Lord-Laden “Dark Horse” (no pun intended) of the SEC for a number of years, and will refuse to be the laughing stock of the West. I hope he continues his pwnage of Bama. Petrino will prove he knows jack shit about the SEC, and the previous administration’s illicit doings will rake them down to a Manningish level. Arkansas will be the new Ole Miss, and Ole Miss will be the new Mississippi State in the West, what with the letter O, and the word Offense largely taken away from Arkansas’s vocabulary with this year’s draft. Luckily, “I’m sleeping with my sister t’night” keeps things within their new grammatical rulings. Unfortunate for the Arkansas Board of Education, the word Offensive is quite rife, something they’ll have to work out in their meetings. Tubbyville will continue to keep his head above water, nigh near promising 8-10 wins a year, but will have much more trouble in recruiting what with his battling Saban, Meyer, and Richt for choice morsels. Saban will realize that Tuscaloosa is NOT Baton Rouge, and not everyone will love him, immediate gratification will be required…they’ll expect a Nat’l Championship immediately and often. He’ll tire of the instate recruiting issues, boosters, sanctions, thuggeryishness, and overall lack of a 6th grade reading level, and he’ll jump ship, fly to L.A., beat Pete Carrol about the head and shoulders with a quarter filled jock strap, all the while raving that “…An AP championship ain’t the same thing, motherfucker!!!” He’ll subsequently live out the rest of his days sequestered in an all male abbey in Lower Unckton, Timbucktu wondering where his life went wrong, slobbering out Sabanisms such as “Belichick never taught me the spying trick, that ol’ bastard!“…”Huizenga lied, he never told me there were WINNING expectations“, and the infamous “Fuck the Bear! Maybe I’m not drinking enough, that’s it…hand me a scotch gawdammit! And get Sexton on the phone, I want his balls over my fireplace! Now, gawdammit!!!!!11!”

LSU? Well…I’m just happy to be a Tiger fan right now.

The 800 lb. Geaux-Rilla LIVES!!!!

Published by Stankfinger January 29th, 2008 in Opinion/Analysis, SEC, BCS, PAC 10, Big 10, Big 12, Big East, ACC, NFL, Football and LSU. 1 Comment

With the their second national championship in the last five years, an undefeated BCS Bowl Record, and a hat that has somehow learned to coach football scarily well, the LSU Tigers have shown themselves to be The Team to beat for the forseeable future. Here are some reason’s why the rest of the country and especially the SEC is learning to be very afraid of the Tigers.

10. Undefeated in BCS Bowl Games. The only team to own that particular record. Niiice, Sexy TIME!

9. Craig Steltz was not the most talented defensive back on the LSU roster in 2007, the other ones are coming back. Opposing quarterbacks and wide recievers will get to know Mr. Coleman and Mr. Jones very well over the next few years. And let’s not forget Jai Eugene, LSU’s next lockdown, I fucking dare you to throw the ball this way corner.

8. Jacob Hester was not the most talented running back on the LSU roster in 2007, he was the heart and soul of the eam, but not the most gifted. We have seen tantalizing glimpses of Williams, Murphy, and Scott. ( I would rank them in that order) It will probably be another running back by committee type year, with Williams getting the lions share of the carries.

7. LSU once again OWNS the state of Louisiana in recruiting terms. Saban had definitely made some inroads early, but the fertile recruiting grounds of Louisiana once again belong to LSU. All is as it should be. As far as the rest of the nation goes, LSU is pretty much getting whomever they please.

6. With the exception of Goergia, the perennial SEC Powers (Alabama, Auburn, Tennessee, and Florida) are not what they once were. Wait Gheytor fan, before you slobber all over your WebTV keyboard and short that mother out, let me explain. Alabama is pretty easy to explain, in fact I can do it in one word. Saban. Now as far as The Fighting Fulmerites of the Lesser Appalaichan Region (that’s Tennessee for those educated in the Great State of Mississippi) go, I just plain hate those orange and white bastards. Fulmer is not the coach he used to be. Period. That program will cost Fulmer his job in the next two or three years, I know they made it into the SEC Championship in 2007, but I just don’t see Tennessee being the badasses of the late 90’s again for at least a couple of years. If you don’t agree, feel free to leave a comment or get your own website, your choice. Now to the Florida Gators. Can anyone else agree that without the Harvin and Tebow Show that Florida would be a really, really good team, just not a Elite team? Seriously. Don’t get me wrong they are both awesome football players, but that whole offense is designed pretty much totally for the big dumb white guy that is maddeningly hard to tackle. Let us not forget faithful readers which FLorida Quarterback won the 2006 National Championship. That’s right, let that marinate for a minute.

5. Ryan Perilloux has the talent and capability to be the Ebony to Tebows Ivory (with a better arm). If he can keep his nose clean. Personally, I think that the experience of the SEC Championship game went along way to waking him up to what playing football for LSU can be like.

4. Auburn is on it’s way down. Muschamp hauling ass to North Mexico, for the same job…and the same pay. That should tell the War Kitten Nation that something is up. As much as I dislike Nick Saban, Alabama is going to beat Auburn like a Tijuana whore over the next few years. Maybe not in 08, but soon.

3. LSU sucks at basketball. This has nothing directly to do with football, but let’s think about this for a moment. If LSU continues John Brady’s employment, the university can funnel some much needed funds out of the basketball program into the football program. Like for instance get Mike the Tiger some tiger snatch. I am no expert, but I am sure that Tiger Poon (copyright and trademark pending) is pretty pricey.

2. Les Miles is the has the biggest balls on a coach I have ever seen. EVAR. He is the new Mad Scientist of the SEC. With the dark powers of the light colored hat, and Crowton calling the offense, pffft, it’s gonna be like playing playstation. Not really, but I do think that Miles is in the Top 5 nationally, and Crowton in the Top 3 Nationally as far as OC’s go.

1. The SEC West is gonna’ be ice cream for the next couple of years, I gave my reasons for Auburn. Miss. State will definitely be better, as well as Arkansas. But as far as competing with LSU for the west, I only see Auburn making a run. The East is better over all than the West, hands down. Georgia is riding a definite high right now, Florida will be as good as they were this year, and South Carolina will definitely make some improvements. I am looking for a LSU vs. Georgia SEC Championship Game in 2008. But I guess we’ll see how things shake out.

Looking ahead to 2008, Southern Fried Champeenship Style

Published by Stankfinger January 16th, 2008 in Opinion/Analysis, SEC, BCS, Rant, Football and LSU. 3 Comments

All through the 2007 - 08 college football season, there was a kind of running debate among all of the CFB pundits as to who has the “most talented team” in America. At seasons end few could argue that the LSU Tigers owned that crown along with all the other hardware the team collected through the season.

There were players that were just physically gifted and more talented than any of their opponents, Mr. Dorsey, Mr. Steltz, and Mr. Doucet please stand and be recognized. Then there were the players that obviously weren’t the most talented, but had the most determination and drive. Does any LSU fan now doubt that if Les Miles asked Jacob Hester to run through the concrete wall of Tiger Stadium, that Hester would literally beat himself to death trying? Do any of you think that Miles, or his teammates ever doubted Matt Flynn, even after the Arkansas game ending interception?

I guess the biggest compliment to any of the players wasn’t the year end hardware, or even the Crystal Football, it was the trust of their coach. Personally I don’t think that Les Miles was the riverboat gambler that the MSM made him out to be. I think that Les Miles put his faith and trust not in his schemes, or his gameplan, but in his players. On 4th and who knows, Miles knew that Hester, Flynn, and the rest of the LSU Offense would give 150% trying to get the necessary yardage.

Well, enough about the 07-08 season, lets take a little sneak peek towards the “rebuilding year” of 08-09.

Quarterback looks to be in good shape with Ryan Perriloux ready to step in and be the full time starter, the only caveat to this is if he can stay out of trouble with the law.

Running back is maybe LSU’s deepest position, with Keiland Williams, Richard Murphy, and Charles Scott all looking to get major playing time with the departure of Jacob Hester. And let’s not forget about Trindon Holliday. In the second year of Gary Crowton’s offense, look for Holliday to be worked more deeply into the game-plan especially at slot receiver and in the option game now that Perriloux will be taking all the snaps.

At wide reciever, the loss of Early Doucet clearly sets the Tigers back a bit, but with Brandon LaFell and Terrance Tolliver stepping it up towards the end of the year, maybe there is not that much drop off.

Defense is really where the Tiger’s lost the most talent, Corners Chevis Jackson and Jonathon Zenon are both gone. Along with LB’s Ali Highsmith (maybe the most underrated player on the LSU Defense) & Luke Sanders, Safety Craig Steltz and All World Defensive Tackle Glen Dorsey. (I am sure that I am missing some players, and for that I apologize, feel free to correct me in the comments section)

And maybe the biggest loss on defense is the departure of defensive coordinator Bo Pelini to be the HMFIC at Nebraska.

The Tiger’s D got a little bit of good news with LB Derry Beckwith returning. And who the hell knew that safety Harry Coleman was that good? If you say, “I did.” You are a liar Sir.

All in all, look for the Tigers to contend for the SEC Championship, but the National Chamionship might be just a little too far for the Tigers to reach in 2008.

Congratulations LSU 2007 National Football Champions

Published by Stankfinger January 13th, 2008 in SEC, BCS, Big 10, Football and LSU. 1 Comment

Ahhh, this is me basking in the glory of the National Championship coming back home to Baton Rouge.

The game didn’t start off the way that I think that any Tiger fan would have envisioned, with the 1st quarter barely under way, LSU was down by 10. To be quite frank for the first part of the game, the Tiger’s played like ass. Big time ass. Mistakes on both sides of the ball, from a busted defense that made a Big-10 back look like Herschel Walker to a jacked up snap that had Matt Flynn acting all Eli Manningish in the backfield.

But I guess that’s why the game lasts for 60 minutes, because for about 45 of those 60 minutes the LSU Tiger’s owned the Ohio State Buckeyes.

A healthy Early Doucet, Matt Flynn, and Glenn Dorsey was just too much for the Buckeyes, even the loss of All American Safety Craig Steltz didn’t slow down the Tiger’s.

After the initial onslaught and LSU had settled in, it looked like for second year in row that the Big 10 and their perennial representative was once again outclassed, outran, and once again out-coached. At times the difference was glaringly obvious, OSU’s revievers could never shake the blanket coverage of Jackson and Zenon, nor could the OSU offensive line get a consistent push against the LSU D-line, at times it seemed that Dorsey, Francois, and Jackson were lining up on the the Scarlet and Grey side of the ball instead of the Purple and Gold.
I think that it actually caused Reece Davis and Co. physical pain to admit that for the second year in a row, the Crystal Football was coming back to the Southeastern Conference.

And just for Mr. Carroll and his minions in the MSM saying that shoulda, woulda, coulda…doesn’t that make 2 National Championships in 5 years? Hell, that’s almost a dynasty.

Ahhh, Post for the make benefit of employers IT department

Published by Stankfinger January 13th, 2008 in Uncategorized. 2 Comments

So while I was sitting at work, trying to figure out a way to get onto MY OWN FREEKIN’ WEBSITE. (Unsuccessfully, I might add). I came to realization, with my new job, and 4ever’s new boss(es). We seriously run short of time and blogging oppurtunities.

Long story short, if you feel like you got some blogging chops and think that you have something to contribute to the Media Conglomerate that is CFBreport.com, leave your infeaux in the comments section of this post.

Thanks

CFBreport.com Admin’s

Coach Dorrel spotted in Durham…YIKES!!!

Published by 4EverLSU December 10th, 2007 in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I’m all for minorities getting a chance to coach in the big leagues. I’ll even go so far as to say I have a problem with them singled out as “minorities”, they’re people, not a freakin’ label, nor a skin color, they’re men doing a job. In fact, I’ve already written a letter to, and had proof read and edited by one of our readers, a certain Coach Croom who has done spectacular things at MSU this year (This is SEC, baby…MSU will ALWAYS stand for Moo State.) And had Mississippi State’s website not been so freakin’ cryptic, and actually had links to coaches and staff, I would have sent it - maybe I wasn’t cowbellerific zen enough to find it…and we all know I’m lazy. Moot point, maybe the letter will be sent…it’s freakin’ Mississippi state, and there’s no way I’ll find enough gumption to actually stuff an envelope, stick a stamp and snail mail it. Regardless. In the “You gots ta’ Recognize, and Hireatize a Representuh!” category, sponsored by Teh Referund Al Shawptonne, we have former UCLA coach Karl Dorrel spotted on the Duke campus on Monday. Yeah the man went 6-6 this year, but (dare I say it?) beat Stanford, a team that downed USC AND Cal, and won against both Oregon AND Oregon State. So he lost to USC and Utah (an up team this year), and has his tainted loss to Notre Dame. Can we not assume that Weiss put some Catholic, carbohydrate infested gris gris on the man? Dorrel was cholesterized. He wasn’t bad enough to fire, and deserved his chance to pick his team up. History has him fired, and life goes on…but come freakin’ on…DUKE??? Someone slap him and hand him a V8. The man’s 35-27, with 5 bowl appearances at UCLA, a notorious middle of the road PAC-10 team for the past almost 20 years. No one is picking up Duke. Duke is a bottom dweller and will forever stay that way. For the uninitiated…Duke is NCAA kryptonite. Frodo would look at a ring made of Duke and tell you to go fuck yourself and personally carry it to Mordor, ’cause he ain’t touchin’ it. They’re basketball, and will NEVER rise to Football stardom. So it is said, so shall it be done. I’d rather see the guy pad his resume as a coordinator somewhere and move on to a different head coaching position in the future. Coach Dorrel? Please listen to the staff of CFB Report…STEP AWAY FROM THE DUKE COACHING POSITION. There are a few constants in life…gravity’s a bitch, beer is a Gawdsend, and there’s no way Duke, Temple, Vandy, or the conglomeration of ULM/ULL will ever win a NCAA Div. 1-A National Championship. It’s kinda’ written in stone. Adamantite, actually…please heed the warnings Coach D.

National Championship Breakdown (Ver. 1.0)

Published by Stankfinger December 6th, 2007 in Uncategorized, Opinion/Analysis, SEC, BCS, Big 10, Rant, Football and LSU. 1 Comment

This is like the Windows 3.0 of breakdowns, it’s gonna have some pretty neat stuff, but it’s gonna get trumped by the newer, better versions that will undoubtably be rolled out here over the coming weeks. Version 1.1 might even have Pinball, AND Solitaire….can you contain your girl like giddiness? Hell, we might not even stick with the whole Windows theme, cause Gates and Co. have kind of laid a turd with the “Vista” experiment, just sayin.

On to the breakdown.

The National Championship Game is the game that I think alot of people wanted to see when the ‘07 season kicked off, a perennial Big-10 team versus a old standard SEC school, well folks, you pays your nickel, you sees your show.

On the LSU D vs. OSU O side of the ball, the Tigers and Buckeyes matchup surprisingly well. LSU comes into the game with the #9 overall defense allowing 19.6 PPG, OSU steps in with the 61th ranked offense putting up 32.0 PPG. Keep in mind that this LSU defensive stat is kind of tweaked because of injuries sustained to key players around the midpoint of the season and LSU’s inherently tougher conference schedule. OSU’s stats are equally misleading because of of their “conference schedule” and the “Powerhouses of the Big 10″.

The Tiger’s offense is averaging 38.7 PPG which qualifies for 20th in the Football Bowl Subdivision, i.e. Division 1 frickin A. OSU’s defense is allowing 10.7 PPG, overall the Buckeyes are #1 in the nation in total defense.

According to Foxsports.com if you average out all of the individual parameters that make up the defensive ranking, LSU is actually ahead of OSU in the defensive categories, LSU Defensive Avg. 28.5, OSU Defensive Avg. 30.5. But wait, it get’s statistically better, LSU’s offense ranks 41.2 and OSU’s pull’s in at 56.3.

Ok, we have crunched numbers, let’s talk about the layoff between the two teams last games and the upcoming Bowl Game. LSU will have roughly 4 1/2 weeks off up to January 7th. Other than getting them into the National Championship Game, the SEC Conference Championship gave LSU’s understudy QB Ryan Perilloux some much needed big game experience should his services be needed. By 1/7/08, these things should be true: Dorsey, Jean-Francois, Holliday, Flynn, Doucet, Beckwith, and all the other LSU walking wounded should be at 100%. What that really means is this:

Healthy Glenn Dorsey : No more inside rushing, effective
Healthy Trindon Holliday : The OSU field position kicking game is decreased in effectiveness by at least 50%.
Healthy Matt Flynn : Innumerable Matt Damonmontages shown during pregame, during the game, and postgame. Flynn also gives LSU their best decision maker under center, the end of the Arkansas game not withstanding.
Healthy Early Doucet : The Famed LSU WR Bubble Screen Rides Again, easily the 2nd most unstoppable play in CFB, the true triple option as run by the service academies being #1

Ohio State hasn’t played a game since mid september, and for all this time, the go cut your own switch whipping that Florida put on them has been weighing on their heads, even more so now that they are playing another SEC Powerhouse in the National Title Game.

LSU wins SEC Championship, in BCS National Championship Game

Published by Stankfinger December 3rd, 2007 in Uncategorized, Breaking News, SEC, BCS, PAC 10, Big 10, Big 12, Big East, ACC, Rant, Football and LSU. 0 Comments

With a 21 - 14 win over the Tennessee Volunteers in the SEC Championship Game saturday night, the LSU Tigers won the 2007 SEC Championship and qualified to play in their 2nd National Championship game in the last 5 years.

Heading into the SEC Championship game, I wouldn’t have placed any amount of money on the Tigers playing in the NC game, LSU was coming off a heartbreaking defeat to the Arkansas Razorbacks the week before, their second of the year. The head coach Les Miles was practically putting on the headset in Ann Arbor and the old college football cliche kept running throught my mind, “If you are gonna’ lose, lose early.” Well the Tiger’s lost early, and lost late, so for all intents and purposes the Tigers were out of the National Championship picture.

Until Bloody Saturday.

#1 Missouri loses for the second time to Oklahoma in the Big 12 Championship. #2 West Virginia hardly even showed up for the backyard brawl against Pitt, a win that most likely saved Dave Wannstedts job.

LSU got the news on the plane on the way home from Atlanta from the SEC Championship that #1 and #2 had gone down. But it wasn’t official until the BCS Selection Show on sunday night.

The words chanted by the LSU players seemed to sum it up, after an entire season of improbables, LSU was ,” Goin to the Ship.”

Greatest Quote EVAR!!!!!111!

Published by 4EverLSU November 20th, 2007 in Opinion/Analysis, Off Topic, SEC, BCS and LSU. 3 Comments

The most physically talented team on both sides of the ball. They don’t play like a great football team but you look at them and there’s nobody more talented than them out there. They still haven’t played their perfect game yet — when they do they will totally destroy a football team.

Former Oklahoma and Dallas Cowboys coach Barry Switzer on LSU

I would have thought a 48-7 thrashing of Virginia Tech would have ranked…if not, I’m looking forward to an even more “perfect” game against LSU foes…I’m assuming a 41-14 beatdown of Notre Dame and a 40-3 assraping of Miami are not withstanding. If the VT game wasn’t a Garden of Eden, I’m damn sure looking forward to a Perfect Ten against Tennessee/Georgia or Kansas/Missouri/Oklahoma. I’ll never complain about perfection. Geaux Tigers.